A place where some folks, for reasons unknown to man and beast, play out their relationships, divorces and custody battles on the world wide web for all to see, scorn, mock and, absurdly, 'like'.

But the Facebooker comes in many guises and are usually discernible by their statuses.

There's the baby brigade - which admittedly includes yours truly. Those baby bores who post incessant pictures of their little people indulging in the most mundane tasks. I know for most it's dull, but I'm unashamed and unstoppable. It's quite simple, my kids are too cute not to share.

But I am by no means the worst. There's the selfie contingent. That bunch of empty-headed, self-indulgent fakers who pout and pose in pub toilets and bombard your news feed with 45 pictures of the same ridiculous trout face.

The selfie's are bad, but taking the banal to a whole new level is the hourly updated status. 'Just up. Lovely lie in.', swiftly followed by, 'Going for a shower.', and then, 'Taking the dogs out.', followed by 'Yummy lunch.' and so on and so forth. We get it. You have nothing to do. Well I do, now bore off.

At the other end of the dramatical scale is the 'Attention all Seekers' status. The 'Why is life so rubbish?', or 'Now I know where I stand.', or 'I hate liars!' We've all seen them and we've probably all thought 'I wonder what that's about.' You get the small minority of people who will cave and ask 'Oh hun, whats up? PM me!' But most of us prefer to ignore and hope they go away.

Another popular status (which must stop immediately) is the Danger Post. 'OMG can't believe I'm in hospital', or 'Just crashed my car. Now in A&E!' Word to the wise: If you've been mortally wounded in some kind of terrible accident, Facebook probably isn't the best way to alert your nearest and dearest. Same goes if your child is rushed to hospital. Put the phone away. As their parent your priority probably shouldn't be to update your 2,468 Facebook friends on their prognosis.

Similarly, if your child, friend, brother, sister or parent goes 'missing', your first port of call should, surely, be the police? As opposed to 'If anyone has seen my son can you please tell him to call me.' Um, no. Just call the police.

Other statuses which are universally bad, yet massively overused include the 'Friend Cull'. 'Just had a clear out of my friends on here so if you're reading this, you survived!' Gee, thanks you conceited cretin. Delete.

The maniacal, incessant hashtag is also atrocious. 'Check my beautiful boy's new haircut!' #baby #boy #new #haircut #socute #lovehim #trendy #hairdresser. If the hashtag has a use, that can't be it.

But, surely, the prize for the worst, most universally pointless status must go to the simple, but fundamentally unnecessary: 'Bored'.

Yes my friend, as are we.