THEY say as a mother of boys you work from ‘son up to son down’.

While I’m sure this is true for parents in general, there are some things I’m fairly certain are restricted only to mothers of boys.

That said, as a mother of only boys you get to be privy to some of the world’s most ridiculous comments, usually from strangers and usually involving a comparison to girls.

A common comment is: “Boys are so much easier than girls.” People who say this are either a) imbeciles or b) absolute imbeciles. How is one gender easier or harder than the other? The point they seem to be missing entirely is that they’re children, ergo, they’re all equally as deranged as each other.

Another, which I know isn’t exclusive to mothers of boys, but to parents whose children are all of the same gender, is: “Will you have another to try for a girl /boy?” Excuse me? ‘Try for a girl’? How exactly does one ‘try’ for a child of a specific gender? Does it involve standing on my head, top-to-toe in pink and quoting Germaine Greer? And why on God’s green earth would I want to?

People seem to assume if you have more than one child of the same sex you must utterly dissatisfied with your measly lot and have turned into a panicking, irrational maniac who is meticulously planning your next pregnancy (or pregnancies) until you give birth to a child of the ‘right’ sex.

Newsflash - the sane and rationale among us are happy with whatever we get.

You can’t rank one sex higher than another when it comes to babies. It’s not 1934. We’re not in China. So while the idiotic contingent are hoping and wishing for a pink or a blue, the normal folks among us are simply praying for a healthy one.

It never ceases to amaze me how much people pin their hopes on something which is completely out of their control. “I reeeeaaallly want a wee boy this time,” that’s nice, but it’s utterly irrelevant what you WANT. This is probably the only time in your adult life you will literally get what you’re given, and have to like it. But more astonishing (to me at least) is that people think it’s okay to say that sentence out loud. “We were hoping for a girl, but it’s an another boy”. Ah well, you can’t win them all. What a welcoming party for baby.

I digress, and on to the behavioural traits that make all little boys unique from girls - but exactly the same as each other.

First up is their ‘rough and tumble’. To the naked eye (read; anyone above the age of 10) this looks like a violent bare-knuckle brawl, but to little boys, it’s playtime. My boys gleefully throw each other off couches, chairs and beds, while rolling on each other, sitting on heads, and ramming each other, forehead first, all the while cackling wildly.

Then, the inevitable; tears. Someone rams, crushes or crashes too hard and we have a major incident. So it’s mummy hugs, kisses better and, you would think, time out with a nice book.

Wrong. It’s just time for round two.

Next up; Crossing swords. This is something that boys know about and their mum’s wish they didn’t. If you don’t know, without going into detail, this practice is something carried out in the bathroom and involves two boys (or more) relieving themselves at the same time - overlapping as they go. ‘Nuff said While we’re on toilet habits, what is it with little boys that gives them that insuppressible urge to pee outside? If they’re indoors, they will happily go to the loo, no questions asked. But if they’re outside playing, no matter how close the bathroom is, don’t expect them to walk five metres and come inside to pee like a civilised human. Not when there’s a perfectly good patch of grass. I mean, why wouldn’t you?

Toilets are a recurring theme when you’re a mother to boys. Especially when it comes to their sense of humour. For my two, despite only being three and one, there’s nothing funnier than pee-pee, poo-poo and all other bodily functions that are deemed vulgar and off limits in adult conversation. I look forward to the day they mature and this is no longer the central cause of their hilarity, and all of the fighting, peeing alfresco, and toilet sharing will be a long, distant memory.

But according to their 37-year-old father: “That day will never come. They will be just the same, but taller.” Oh boy.